What it's like to do foster care

I was contacted via email about my adventures in fostering and felt it was a good idea to post here for the world to see, since this is my foster/adoption blog!

" I was wondering if you could give me info on foster care adoption? What kind of specifics you were able to give, ages of placements, age at adoption, how many have you had total/how many became available for adoption, were you the first choice for adoption or did you have to fight it?"


Well, I will start by saying that I think everyone has it in them to foster. I hear people all of the time say that they couldn't do it, but the reality is that they could, they are just fearful of getting hurt in the process.

When it comes to fostering, you must put your fears of a broken heart aside. You need to make sure that you are able to give 100% of yourself to these children whether they are going to stay with you or not. They deserve to have a foster parent who is supportive and can help guide them through such a rough journey in their life and you can only do that if you truely LOVE the children in your home.

I will not sugar coat anything, it is a journey of up's and down's. Some days are really good, some - not so great. You can choose to move forward from the bad days or stay in the misery they create. It is not until you really believe in the system that you can let the small stuff go and concertrate on keeping the little ones safe.

With that being said, We brought Gabriella home at 8 weeks 1 day old. She was a blessing from the beginning. This fragile baby had been through so much at such a young age that our hearts melted immediatly. We tried to keep our hearts guarded, but it was impossible. The more we watched this child grow, the more we felt the bond grow and the more we ached for her to become part of our family.

Her birth mother would improve from time to time only to get lost in the world she was living in. Each time she would improve a part of my heart would lose hope of calling this little girl my forever daughter. When times would get bad for her it was apparent because she would miss visits with her daughter, I couldn't help but find myself happy for our family. I felt like I was becoming a bad person, gloating in her misery. I pondered my life without her and talked myself into the possible reality that my little girl might go back to her birth family. I did this to keep sane through it all. I couldn't allow myself to build up this happiness only to let it crush me in the end. I continuously crushed myself in my own thoughts to prevent such a hard blow.

As time progressed and Gabriella's birth father was located( 4 months after placement), we were faced with another challenge. He would have rights to this child and could take her home immediatly. We said our goodbyes to this child we ached to call our own. It was an emotional time but we had talked ourselves into believing that she had a plan in life, and although we were a part of it for a short time, she was meant to stay with her biological family.

The meeting with her birth father went rather well. He was an older man (55), single, and he felt he was in no situation to raise a child. He asked us to keep this precious little girl and adopt her. We agree'd to contact with him. We treat him like a friend of the family and he comes over to hang out often. It has really worked out for us all and we hope it can continue as long as it is in the best interest of our daughter.

Her case moved rather quickly because the biological mother had 2 other children removed previously and adopted out. They decided not to offer the mother services to get her child back. Termination of Parental Rights (which free's the child for adoption) occured in November 2007 and her adoption finalized September, 2008.

Aside from her birth father, I was the first choice for adoption. They are required to contact birth family to see if they are interested. They're also required to contact her sibling's adoptive home to keep siblings together as well. I'm not sure if they did that or not. I have tried to get ahold of the siblings adoptive family and the state rejects my attempts because of confidential information. I've even asked for my name and phone number to be sent to them, and they have declined.


Our children so far:

Gabriella placed 8 weeks 1 day Adopted 19 months old
Garrett placed 16 months old Adopted 37 months old
J placed 8 years old reunited 3 months later
R placed 4 years old reunited 9 months later
A placed 2 years old reunited 9 months later
J placed 6 months old reunited 9 months later
A placed 3 years old currently fostering
D placed 2 years old currently fostering
N placed 1 years old currently fostering

Now that our adoptions have finalized and we have what I call our "core" family, we are striving to make a difference in families who need help getting back on their feet. Through our journey we have found a passion for reuniting families back together after hard times. It is something that I hope to do for many years to come.

I find that when I am doing foster care for the purpose of fostering, my mind doesn't wonder as much as it does when I am constantly pondering whether or not they are going to stay here with us forever. I enjoy not stressing about court dates or talking to social workers about what the biological parents are and aren't doing.

Had I not adopted the first two children that were placed with us, I probably would have lost some of my drive to continue, but because they stayed with us, it just shows me that this is where my life was supposed to be at this exact moment in time.

In just a few short months we will be saying goodbye to our sibling set that we have right now. A,D,&N but it's not the end of the world, it's just the beginning for them with a new life with their family. For us, it's a beginning of a new journey, taking in some other children who need a home for a short while. If the right child came to our home and needed a forever home, we would jump on the opportunity to adopt him/her. Only time will tell what our future holds.